CLASSICAL GAS --
SCIENTIFIC GOSSIP
A Boy and His Guillotine
A research project on cognitive development in adolescent males may lead to prison sentences for two of the senior figures in the field of childhood education. The study, which involved more than two hundred public school students in the eighth and ninth grades, was part of an ongoing Dunston University project.
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Multi-Religion Groups Seen Emerging
Dramatic changes may be coming to the religious and political landscape of western countries. The recent emergence of "multi-religions" such as Jews for Jesus, Methodists for Mohammed, and the southern-U.S.-based Baptists for Buddha may herald a period of drastic societal realignment.
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Historical Evidence May Alter Calendar
A team of Conway University anthropologists, linguists, and archeologists has found evidence that the day we now refer to as "Thursday" is actually Wednesday, and that the day known to us as "Wednesday" is really Thursday. The research team, led by Margaretha Gimptle-Ross, Bizi Yu, and Hans Salzman, bases its contention on records they recovered from a dig site in the ancient city of Ur.
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Healthier Cigarettes
Several major tobacco companies are racing to bring to market cigarettes that they claim will help prevent heart attacks. The cigarettes, which will be laced with aspirin, will be test marketed to several groups. According to industry sources, the first such group will be pregnant women.
"It's a woman's right to protect herself and her unborn child against heart disease," reads the headline in a full-color advertisement scheduled to make its first appearance next month in several women's magazines.
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Sleep Research Update
SD has stopped sleeping with NF, and is now sleeping with TL.
NF now sleeps with FP and LB.
TdeC is now sleeping with RR.
Dr. NM is sleeping with PL, BR, NS, EK, and Dr. CL.
PN is sleeping alone.
GY now washes her feet, and is sleeping with FP.
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Puzzling Venus Features Explained
The curious surface patterns visible in recent photographs of Venus have been explained.
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US Election Proposal Is Seen Gaining Support
There appears to be growing support in the United States, especially among retired politicians, for a proposed constitutional election reform. Under the proposal, anyone who wishes to run for elected office would be prohibited from doing so.
© Copyright 2002 Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
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