For decades — during the original run and then countless reruns — Florence Henderson, who presided over the Brady Bunch, was America’s perfect Mom.
We’ve invited Henderson to play a game called “They said you were mad at the Academy! Mad, I tell you!” In September, the Annals of Improbable Research handed out their annual Ig Nobel Awards for achievements in real, if ridiculous, research. We’ll ask three questions about the far horizons of science.
[HOST PETER] SAGAL: Now a few weeks ago, the Annals Of Improbable Research – that’s a journal – handed out their annual Ig Nobel Awards for achievements in real – if ridiculous – science. We’re going to ask you three questions about the far horizons of science.
[FLORENCE] HENDERSON: Oh, my gosh.
SAGAL: Answer two of these questions correctly, you’ll win a prize for one of our listeners – Carl Kasell’s voice on their voicemail. Bill, who is the immortal Florence Henderson playing for?
[ANNOUNCER BILL] KURTIS: Sharon Gavin of Atlanta, Georgia.
SAGAL: All right. Are you ready to do this?
HENDERSON: Oh, my gosh, I’ll feel terrible if I don’t win. Can I send her something?
SAGAL: You may.
SAGAL: Or perhaps her husband might be more appreciative.
SAGAL: Whatever works – but let’s play the game.
SAGAL: OK, here we go. Here’s your first question. The Ig Nobel Prize in physics this year went to a team in Japan that investigated what? Did they investigate A, what would happen to an average building if Godzilla were really to step on it? B, the actual amount of friction between a person’s shoe, a banana peel and the floor; or C, how big Angelina Jolie’s lips could become before they explode?
HENDERSON: You know what, I’m going to go with A.
SAGAL: You’re going to go with A, what would happen to an average building if Godzilla were to stop on it?
SAGAL: OK, no. Actually was B, the banana peel.
HENDERSON: Are you serious?
SAGAL: I’m very serious and so were they. According to their exacting measurements, we can now say for sure that a banana peel on a linoleum floor is slippery.
HENDERSON: Now, please.
BABYLON: And funny.
SAGAL: And funny. You have two more chances, so you can do this.
SAGAL: And we always know Mrs. Brady always had a happy ending, so here we go. A special prize was given in Arctic Science and that was given to an international team of scientists who explored what question? A, if ice cubes taken from the polar ice cap can improve a cocktail; B, if putting up big fans on the poles to blow on the Arctic ice can help reverse global warming; or C, how reindeer behave when they are approached by humans dressed as polar bears.
HENDERSON: Oh, jeez. What was A again?
SAGAL: A was if ice cubes taken from the ancient polar ice cap will actually make your cocktail taste better.
HENDERSON: I think I have to go with that.
[PROGRAM PANELIST AMY] DICKINSON: That’s like a Dean Martin kind of question.
HENDERSON: It is, absolutely.
SAGAL: It is a Dean Martin kind of question.
DICKINSON: Can I weigh in? It doesn’t…
HENDERSON: Yeah, help me out here.
DICKINSON: I don’t know. Think that sounds wasteful. What was the second one?
HENDERSON: Blowing a fan is going to help global warming.
SAGAL: Yeah, that sounds ridiculous.
DICKINSON: That’s kind of crazy. And the other one was the…
SAGAL: The last one was how reindeer behave when they’re approached by humans wearing polar bear suits.
DICKINSON: I’m liking that one. I’m liking that one.
HENDERSON: Oh. I think I have to stay with A.
SAGAL: Really? I want to point out you may not know this, but Amy is an advice columnist.
HENDERSON: Oh, Amy. My gosh, yeah, I like three. I like number three.
SAGAL: There we go. Yes, you’re right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: It turns out – and this is again according to this very scientific study – that reindeer are kind of freaked out when people dressed as polar bears approach them. All right, Florence, get this one right, you win.
The Public Health Prize went to a team that tried to determine if doing what was detrimental to your mental health? Is it A, trying to get your cable hooked up; B, playing the computer game Candy Crush; or C, owning a cat?
BLOUNT: I own a cat.
HENDERSON: It’s bad for your mental health.
BLOUNT: And Roy just said he owns a cat, which to me is sort of proof right there.
DICKINSON: That’s true.
HENDERSON: Well, all right, let’s go with number three.
SAGAL: You’re going to go with number three, owning a cat?
SAGAL: Yes, that’s right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: So they published a number of studies that involve various things like parasites that cats sometimes have, but the short answer is yes, cats make you crazy.
SAGAL: Bill, how did Florence Henderson do in our quiz?
KURTIS: Well, Florence and Amy got two out of three.
DICKINSON: Thank you.
SAGAL: Florence Henderson was, is and always will be America’s favorite TV mom. Florence Henderson, what fun to have you. Thank you so much…