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His Feet Stink

AdmiralFoote_Pcrop250px.jpgMy feet stink. I have over the past 43 years conducted a series of experiments to establish that this is true, and to delineate the limits within which it is true. I would place a test subject in close proximity to my feet, and observe their consequent behavior. I have done this with more than 4300 test subjects. These include: rats; cats; mice; dormice; ferrets; sheep; bees; ants; gnats; dingos; a llama; pigeons; ducks; geese; cows; aphids; shrews; a salmon. hedgehogs; foxes; ermine; earthworms; and human beings. All test subjects, with certain exceptions that I will detail in a separate letter, displayed aversive behavior. In layman?s terms: they fled.

Would you be interested in publishing a formal account of my experiments if I were to write it up? (I enclose a photograph of the American Civil War Rear Admiral Andrew H. Foote, whose name and?more to the point?whose own lengthy personal discovery of the power of smelly feet I have adopted as a mildly jocund inspiration. The photograph does not show Admiral Foote?s foot, an omission which I am sure I do not need to explain to you.)

Thomas P. D?Arcy, MD
Clive, Cumbria, UK

(That?s an excerpt from the article ?Air Vents (Exhalations from our readers),? published in AIR 14:1.)

Improbable Research