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A word count counter’s diatribe: 24/7

Earle Spamer wrote us a scathing letter, about some of the 24/7 Lectures.

In case you are not familiar with the 24/7 Lectures, which happen every year as part of the Ig Nobel Prize ceremony, here’s what they are:

Each year at the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, we invite some of the world’s top thinkers to tell us what they are thinking about. Each 24/7 Lecturer explains their topic twice:
First, a complete, technical description in 24 seconds
Then, a clear summary that anyone can understand in 7 words
Spamer, having watched the most recent Ig Nobel Prize ceremony, and having paid especially close to the 24/7 Lectures that were part of that ceremony, thunders:

You are hereby summoned to the Word Count Court to explain the following misstatements made by 24/7 Lecturers under your immediate direction as the be-all and et-cetera of the Ig Nobel Prize ceremonies; specifically, the 2020 ceremonies.

Each 24/7 Lecturer must provide a (quote) “Clear summary that anyone can understand, in SEVEN (7) WORDS” (end quote).

Lecturer Bodnar: “Emergency bra masks protect others. Care. Wear. Share.”  Wordy.  Requires a good editor.

Lecturer Chalfie: “GFP: Shine blue, see green, watch life.”  The Word County Police are not certain whether “GFP” is one or three words; it certainly is an unintelligible word composed of three syllables, but as an acronym neither does it represent “a” word.  Has the Lecturer pulled a fast one on you?

We bring to your attention that you had been summoned before the Court in the case of a prior miscounting (years ago, before court stenography), wherein a Lecturer responded with a six-word lecture.  You had been asked to provide the Lecturer’s “final word” on the subject, which the Court still awaits.

NOTE: Spamer is co-author of the classic unnatural history report “The Taxonomy of Barney“, and has written many other equally reliable science studies.

Improbable Research