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CLASSICAL GAS --
INFECTIOUS DISEASES IN BRICKS

by Ruthifer Karron
The Thayer Memorial Clinic
Salt Lake City, Utah


A herd of bricks in their native habitat.

The brick is a clay-based rectangular organism. It is found chiefly in and around human settlements.

We conducted an extensive survey of infectious diseases among the brick population in and around Salt Lake City.

THE SURVEY POPULATION

The total estimated brick population of the region is 650,000,000,000. We conducted the survey among a sample subpopulation of 120,000 bricks.

INCIDENCES OF INFECTIOUS DISEASES

-- Infections of the central nervous system:

Meningitis: 0

Encephalitis: 0


-- Infections involving the cardiovascular system:

Endocarditis: 0

Myocarditis: 0

Pericarditis: 0

Rheumatic fever: 0


-- Infections of the ear, nose and throat:

Otitis medea: 0

Malignant external otitis: 0

Mastoiditis: 0

Simusitis: 0

Parapharyngeal and retropharangeal infections: 0

Ludwig's angina: 0

Pharyngitis: 0

Epiglottitis: 0

Herpangina: 0

Vincent's syndrome: 0

Oral candidiasis: 0


-- Infections of the lower respiratory tract:

Bronchitis: 0

Pheumonia: 0

Pyogenic lung abscess: 0

Empyema: 0


Intraabdominal infections:

Tuberculous peritonitis: 0

Diverticulitis: 0

Cholecystitis: 0

Pancreatitis: 0

Enteric fever syndrome: 0

Hepatitis: 0


-- Sexually transmitted diseases:

Gonnorhea: 0

Syphillis: 41,273

Chlamydia: 0


-- Other:

Smallpox: 0

Measles: 0

Mumps: 0

Influenza: 0

Diptheria: 0

Cholera: 0

Rubella: 0

Rabies: 0

Tetanus: 0

Plague: 0

SUMMARY

Bricks are prone to contract syphillis.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

American Academy of Pediatrics. Report of the Committee on Infectious Diseases, 19th edition. Evanston, Il: Academy of Pediatrics, 1982.

Benenson A. S. Control of communicable diseases in man, 12th edition. New York: American Public Health Association, 1980

 

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