Naomi Campbell Discovers

Naomi Campbell Discovers

The face value of science

by Alice Shirrell Kaswell

"Life in Your Twenties" is an entire new sub-discipline in the ancient, honorable, and ever-growing field of Celebrity Science. The research journal Swing is perhaps the leading publication for scientists who wish to report their findings on the subject of "Life in Your Twenties." Volume 2, number 6 (the June 1996 issue) of Swing is chock-a-block with landmark reports.

Green, Smoke

An unnamed Swing investigator reports that (a) green nail polish does not "look stupid" on her; (b) a brand of cigarette called "Virginia Slims" is "a woman thing"; and (c) the Surgeon General of the United States has issued a warning that cigarette smoke contains carbon monoxide. The entire first-person, albeit anonymous, report appears on page 11.

What to Do, What to Do

There is a blossoming in the study of addiction. Psychologist, psychiatrists, psychotherapists and many other people spend more and more of their time observing, classifying and describing various kinds of addiction. On pages 41-49, Investigator David Hochman reports, simply and eloquently:

I am addicted to advice.

Hochman has been collecting advice from a variety of donors. Here are two highlights of his work.

J. Russell Leatherman, a magnate who runs a telephone-based information service, advises how to handle people on the telephone:

The phone’s a great place to puff yourself up like a big fish. The people at the other end of the line don’t know you only have 30 cents in your pocket, so talk like you really know what you’re doing.

Supermodel Naomi Campbell advises on how to make a good impression:

I still believe in the old-fashioned approach: a firm handshake, making eye contact, thinking confidently, and keeping up a good physical appearance, especially in terms of your nails and hairdo.

Hochman also draws on the work of investigator Les Krantz to report an unrelated yet fascinating finding — that the least stressful profession one can pursue is that of medical records technician.

Copyright © 1996 The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). All rights reserved.