Ode to the Mammoth Cheese


Ode to the Mammoth Cheese


John Trinkaus, his Ig Nobel Prize, and his signed copy of the cheese poem.
Photo: David Holzman.

This year's Ig Nobel Literature Prize was sponsored by the Times Higher Education Supplement. Thanks to the Times Higher Education Supplement, the winner received — in addition to his Ig Nobel Prize — a framed copy of the poem "Ode on the Mammoth Cheese Weighing Over Seven Thousand Pounds," written in 1884 by James McIntyre, the noted Canadian cheese poet. This copy was signed by four Nobel Laureates.

Here is the poem:

Ode on the Mammoth Cheese
Weighing Over Seven Thousand Pounds

We have seen thee, queen of cheese,
Lying quietly at your ease,
Gently fanned by evening breeze,
Thy fair form no flies dare seize.

All gaily dressed soon you'll go
To the great Provincial show,
To be admired by many a beau
In the city of Toronto.

Cows numerous as a swarm of bees,
Or as the leaves upon the trees,
It did require to make thee please
And stand unrivalled, queen of cheese.

May you not receive a scar as
We have heard that Mr. Harris
Intends to send you off as far as
The great world's show at Paris.

Of the youth beware of these,
For some of them might rudely squeeze
And bite your cheek, then songs or glees
We could not sing, oh! queen of cheese.

Were't thou suspended from a balloon,
You'd cast a shade even at noon,
Folks would think it was the moon
About to fall and crush them soon.

© Copyright 2003 Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)

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